Connection and Disconnection

Greetings! Welcome back to The B-Side. As a note, new playlists will come out every 4 weeks. So, for this week’s thoughts, you can pull up Moody Weather and listen again to some soothing tunes.

I’m continuing to think about connection and disconnection. Sometimes it feels like half the people around me are seeking connection, and the other half just want to be left alone. And maybe, we have that struggle as an internal one. A part of us yearning for the comfort of others while we also still need time to sit with our own thoughts. Finding the best balance is sometimes difficult, especially if we don’t really know what we want.

When you’re unsure what you need, it’s a good idea to take a few minutes alone. Intentionally let go of all the thoughts and feelings circling within you. Breathe deep for a few counts, hold it, exhale slowly. Breathe in counting to 5, hold for 5, exhale for 5. Notice the sensations in your body. Where is the tightness, the ache? What is the pain trying to tell you? Does it need space and silence? Or, are you needing touch and comfort? Pay attention to the signals. Breathe slowly again. What are you feeling? Honor whatever arises. If possible, meet those needs either with connection or disconnection. You know those nights that you want somebody sitting on the couch near you, but you don’t really want to interact in any way? Maybe that’s what you need. Whatever it is, it’s valid. Even if nobody else understands it, it’s valid.

For those who live alone and don’t have the option of touch, what else can bring you the comfort you desire? Put on your favorite hoodie, wrap yourself in a soft blanket, video call with a friend, watch your favorite show. I know those are only substitutes for what you really want, yet finding ways to pay attention to our needs and honor ourselves in those moments are steps towards what we really want. Consider how you might build connections that can eventually meet those needs, so that you are on a path to what you deserve.

For those with lots of friends or family around and can’t really find the space to be alone, look for small moments of solitude. Take an extra 15 minutes to change your clothes at the end of the day, so you can decompress and shift gears. Excuse yourself to the bathroom and light a candle while you’re in there, and then spend a little time alone. Take a long shower and use that time to be mindful of the smells, sounds, feel of the water, and get in touch with what you need for the day or evening ahead.

For all of us, we may find the connection or disconnection still seems empty, or not fulfilling in the way we want it to be. Again, pay attention to what you actually need. What’s missing? Can you access it?

When I have a quiet morning like today, I try to sink into the moment. I focus primarily on what I hear. Right now, the waves from the Pacific are gentle and slow. There’s a slight jingle of a wind chime. I hear a distance voice, a turtle dove coo, and an occasional dog bark. I notice the space around me. The way the air feels cool and how nobody needs me right now. I feel a sense of freedom to be myself and only focus on what’s best for me, even while I write this for you.

What brings you the most comfort right now? What are you craving?

Express gratitude for the comfort and take steps towards the craving.

Let me know if there’s something more I can write about on this topic. I’m open to suggestions. Take good care…